


The Only Thing That's Real

by ChromiumHeart



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Dog BB-8, Gen, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Nightmares, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Needs A Hug, Sadness, Star Wars - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 17:00:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13171275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromiumHeart/pseuds/ChromiumHeart
Summary: Everyone wears a mask at some point in their lives. Poe Dameron is no different.





	The Only Thing That's Real

Poe Dameron was tactical. Intelligent. One of the best damn pilots the Resistance had seen in years, and he'd be lying if he said it didn't fill him with a sort of cocky pride. A couple times he had even been compared to Han Solo, much to General Leia's chagrin. 

Poe wasn't anything like that nerfherder, she'd said, and left it at that. The loss of him still stung her deeply, even though they hadn't been on very good terms before she set him out to bring their son home. 

The Resistance had suffered heavy losses, and were down to less than a rag-tag group that filled Han's old Falcon with room to spare. 

Poe would never admit it, and no one would believe it unless he said it himself, but he was being torn up inside. He was sure everyone in the Resistance had nightmares that twisted their insides and made them toss and turn in the middle of the night. He was no different. 

He had replayed every pilots death over and over again in his head; their last words, the way they died, the missions they were on. It was his fault that they had lost the bombing fleet. The first time he saw Rose after the incident, her cheeks stained and eyes brimming with fresh tears, he made his way to the refresher and vomited until nothing was left. He washed his face afterward and returned to his duties, but that night he hugged his knees close as if he could wrap himself up so tightly he might disappear. 

BB-8 would whimper next to him, trying to offer some kind of comfort. Poe turned sad eyes to him, a sigh passing dry lips. 

"I know buddy, but I can't stop. It's my fault and it makes me sick. I don't deserve a demotion. I may as well be court marshalled." 

The droid whistled its protests and Poe leaned over his bunk to press his head to the cool metal of BB-8s domed head. 

"They're all gone because of me." He whispered, his eyes burning with unshed tears. "It's tearing me up." 

He let his hand slip over BB-8 and laid back against the pillows, staring up into the darkness as the droid purred its sympathies. He felt the hot tears escape as he squeezed his eyes shut, following the slight dip in the skin, chasing age lines as they began to form. He dug his nails into his palms, creating red crescents in their wake as he tried desperately to stifle his emotion. He was too overcome. He broke and let out a pained sob, his breath coming in shorter and trembling with each exhale. BB-8 beeped sadly. 

"Happy beeps," he told the droid through his own tears, "Happy beeps, buddy." 

Poe curled onto his side and let his hand drop, still silently crying. BB-8 nudged his hand and stayed next to him, keeping close and loyal contact until Poe managed to lull himself into sleep, his sobs eventually fading into light, gentle breaths as his pained horrors slipped from his consciousness for a bit. 

Tomorrow he would smile at his fellow pilots, share a light conversation with his General over caf, merrily moving about his day. Then he would silently slip away into the evening to grieve and hurt all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Visit my Tumblr (chromiumhearts.tumblr.com) to place a fic request!


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